Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Good morning. Working right now, and have dialysis this afternoon. Been reflecting on the last few entries on my personal medical history. It lacks a certain thickness or dimension in that I realize that during the times when my health and well-being, or life was in the balance, as it was acutely so in 1983, it is hard to express that I never really felt those things at the time. In fact I've never really felt threatened except for a couple of events in my life. Not then or now do I feel as though my health situation is a burden. To some degree I feel as though I'm a fraud talking about it at all, because while it has shaped to a large degree who I am and what I think about myself and life around me, I never have considered my health a "big deal". I have never to the core cared that much about the suffering part, everyone, i feel suffers, and to whatever degree and whatever reason that is real to them. For me suffering, as a real thing, just isn't there. Only as a state of mind does it have real power.