Saturday, February 11, 2012

Saturday, and my son played his guts out in his Basketball tournament game. They lost but he worked hard, even though he has had an even worse version of the cold I've been nursing all week. I am so proud of his efforts regardless. Trying hard, being there for his team, and showing a little "mean" was all his Mom and I ask.

When I went on dialysis, I got a little mad about it, or as I really think about it, I turned into another "Rocky" time in life. We are given opportunities in life to face fear, disappointment, and set backs, in life and choose to show up and do what is necessary to work through it. Its not the victories that shape us, it truly is the looking at yourself, realizing who you really are, and moving forward. The power of redemption and self realization are what is about.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Funny thing happened yesterday. I had a call from the Cleveland Clinic saying they had a matching Kidney for me, but. Turned out that I did not get the Kidney but the three hours of suspense were a Satori in my regular routine. In the seven plus years I have been on the waiting list, I have got exactly none of those "we have a Kidney for you" calls. So while exciting it also forced me to take a breath and take it all in as best I could. When I found out I was not to get the Kidney, I was disappointed, but not sad. Just shaken by how it could really ( and will) change in a few moments someday.

It is really not a question of a better quality of life or the relief of suffering, I truly do not feel that is at stake here. Rather a new journey and challenge. Like anything new it is exciting, and little frightening at the same time. I've learned that expectations do not in any way make the reality of what is any thing but what it should be. In other words, expect nothing, and all will be open to you.